the [awkward] quest for love


Michelle Obama. Probably one of the first women that comes to any real man's mind when thinking of the prototypical wifey. Brilliant, elegant, beautiful and sexy - shit, supportive. I'm sure that Barack and Michelle have problems, like any married couple does, but what they have on the surface is what I believe a lot of men are looking for. I know I ultimately am. We're all essentially on a quest for love - whether we choose to acknowledge it, players and simps alike.

My early twenties is such an awkward place for me to be during this quest. For starters, I got my heart broken something vicious in my last relationship. Think of the worst heartache you've ever had. Now multiply that by a million. Yeah, that's about where I was. In the past year and some change I've gotten over it and have truly learned how to be happy by myself. But just because I got over it doesn't mean it didn't have it's lasting affects on me and the way I view love and relationships right now. I wholeheartedly believe in the idea of them, but I'm just not exactly sure if that's what I want for myself at the moment. To be an educated, articulate, decent-looking Black man with dreams and ambition is truly a gift. There's not too many like us and not only does the professional world want us, but women are falling over themselves to get us too. So, I'm kind of like a kid in a candy store right now. The world is at my fingertips and I don't know what to do with myself. There's just too many flavors to choose from.

BUT I'm a good man and I was raised right. And although I'm doing my thing, I'm not having sex with every woman that crosses my path. I'm always honest and upfront about what I want, what I'm looking for, and how I feel. No games, no bullshit.

One of the problems I've had with dating and finding someone that I would actually consider giving my time to is the lack of meeting women who I feel are on my same wavelength. I won't use the word level cause it implies something else. But I meet a lot of beautiful women who are educated as well and have some other great qualities, but they ultimately can't hold my interest. Most I meet are really boring or shallow or needy or not ambitious enough (the list just goes on).

I'm not exactly looking for you to be Michelle right here and now because I've not yet reached my Barack (another term for potential). But if you want me to take you seriously, what I am looking for is what a good friend of mine calls "greatness potential." What do you want to be? What makes you happy? Where do you like to eat? Do you like to travel? Was your father active in your life (SO important)? How many children do you want? What type of lover are you? Do you have a sense of humor? What are your dreams? Do you believe in God? These are very important indicators of who you are and who you're going to be. Unfortunately what I'm finding is that most women don't know the answers to any of these questions and it's a huge turn off. Therefore making the quest even more problematic and awkward.

And so, the quest continues...

2 comments:

LaLa | January 8, 2009 at 11:06 AM

wooooow! I think I know 10x more about you now. & I love it the most! Lovely post and extremely great job at putting on you point with back ups. Ahh the if, and, and buts, of relationship. Men looking for women and women looking for men. A never ending cycle, that quite frankly wears me the hell out. It's my belief that each person you meet and attempt to make something with takes a piece of you when you both finally realize it just ain't gonna work. All those little pieces we leave behind... tend to fill with frustration, anger, bitterness, void, what have you. You get hurt, heartbreak, etc etc. It's just damn exhausting. Then I think ok lord, you said you made a man just for me, what's with all the middle men. lol. But you right on point with yours and I think that's why your such a hot commodity, they don't tend to make to many "good man". Advise take your time, you worth a lot, find a women equal to you who can answer all your questions with the RIGHT answers. One who knows just what, why, when, and how much. She is out there, your Michelle Obama!! Don't give up and don't give in! Never settle, God doesn't want you to! Trust!

As always love getting active with your mind ;)

-L

Mrs. Johnson | January 8, 2009 at 2:23 PM

nice post. well, i must say that i consider myself a shelly obama! lol. but, seriously, i consider myself a great catch and all of those qualities you mentioned. but, i will tell anyone that it took me a long time to get to this point and it looks like you understand that it will take yourself and women a long time to get to that point. but, i've learned A LOT from marriage...much of which NOBODY could have told me or helped me understand until i experienced it myself. patience is a virtue and you will be rewarded for it.